DISCLAIMER: The reporter cannot be blamed if you suddenly develop a phobia of Banoful doi. Read at your own discretion.
Last Tuesday, a Dhaka student was injured enacting THE iconic scene from the movie ‘American Pie’.
Samiul Islam, aged 16 and the only son of an influential local leader, was bored and itching to rub one out. His parents were out attending a wedding and he was home alone. So, he locked his bedroom door (BTW, it made no sense to the reporter why he would that since the house was essentially empty) and tried to access some quality entertainment sites (if you know what I mean *wink* *wink*). He remembered that the government has blocked most of them when his browser kept returning blank pages.
Realizing that it was pointless trying to refresh pages incessantly, he opted to try something new, you know, bring some ‘quality variation’ to his me time. He unlocked his bedroom door and took out a Banoful 2 kg doi (AKA curd) from the fridge. He went inside his bedroom, stripped naked from the waist down and promptly inserted his ‘woody’ into the white goodness. Perhaps, Samiul’s head wasn’t functioning properly, or his ‘little head’ was doing all the thinking; he couldn’t fathom why suddenly he couldn’t feel his precious pecker anymore (Note: We’ve already established he’s a dumb ass). It seemed to have lost all its rigidity.
He panicked and ran out to the nearest pharmacy pulling on his father’s lungi. The pharmacy chacha, after conducting a very thorough pedophilic examination, certified that his pecker was still in working order. After coaxing out the story and ignoring Samiul’s pleading requests, he contacted the parents and informed them that their son was in dire need of some psycho-therapy.
As of writing this report, we’ve confirmed that Samiul has been put under house-arrest (exceptions made only for school hours and coaching) by his parents. He is scheduled to sit for his SSC examinations next year. Doi has also been banned from the household. When we tried to reach Samiul’s cell, his father picked up (leading us to believe that he’s also under phone-arrest). We were informed very strictly that they are an upstanding family in the community and if contacted for further comments, the local Chatra League will be more than happy to pay us a visit and comment on his behalf.
Out of self-preservation, we respectfully declined.For added precaution, we also relocated our office for the time being.